sound of a heart

2010-07-07T19:06:00.000+08:00

This following years going to be rough~ I just got the feeling of it. The reason is to get something of it. It's too complicated to tell. But everything won't going to be very smooth like before..
Lots to think from now, what to do with my nwe place. Sometimes it feels like headache to think bout it, sometimes feels great bout it. Money is one big problem for now. Other than that should be ok. God bless us all.

Revelation of my understanding...

2010-06-30T11:17:00.000+08:00

This is the first time I write this thing in the blog...

In the Revelation, bible, there are seven lamps to seven churches which are Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia and Laodicea. Seven famous city in the worldc which is located at mediterranean sea and black sea. In the arrangement, it like a graf. I mean how the flow of the city. Its like the meaning of mankind will reaches it top and slowly will be faded away till THE END OF THE WORLD. Just a maybe.. No prove and anything. But I got one questions, Why do mankind build the City in such a flow? Has God plan for everything? I mean how we think is in his hand and planned. But anyway question God is not the main thing is, the flow of the human life is it flow like the graf I mension?

When I think of it, ya since past everything has gone up. Like our life styles, food and everthing. There aren't anything stop us from going further. But when going to climax, life will fall slowly down to the starts. Now economy going down.. BAD.. fuels going to run out, Earth feels like changing itself.. This few months where I am, I can feel the wind blow had change. The wind is stronger and rougher. The time and type of rain is slightly different from previous. This look like the graf of Thyatira, Sardis, and Philadelphia. Take some time before going to Laodicea.

Beside that, there are one important thing writen and heard from God.

Come back to the first love, Jesus the Son of God.
Devil will be there and suiffering for 10 days, but be faithful to him till The End.
Do not eat food sacrificed to idols and committing sexual immorality, this verse is confusing to me. I found explation of it from chapter 1 Corinthians but still can't fully understand. The real understand of God words needs time.
Do not listen to Jezebel!
Wake up adn do what God want us to do.
Hold to what God given to you cos He is coming..
Allow Him to enter our hearts forever and ever..

So this is my summary of what is written. I may be wrong or I'm right. But one thing I'm very sure of. No one in this world can change it or disobey the truth of the truth. Only time will review and everyone will be amazed. I'm i right? only time will tell..

2010-05-26T18:47:00.000+08:00

Can anyone name a life span of a machine? ^^

2010-05-26T10:18:00.000+08:00

Just want to write out. Yesterday I was working morning shif as a staff in a Hosp. And Guess what at 2055 hours, a call up ask me to do night shif for that day!! But I didn't take the offer. Man working life here is too much!!

2010-05-01T12:21:00.000+08:00

Can a man have a infinity enegy? Can a man create a new force of energy flow in their body? What is enegy in a man life? How does it really work in us? How many people belive in it? How many people been praticing it? How they build the key flow in their body? Does it bring life to a person? Key protect man? Can the energy bring distruction? Its the world of mystery!

2010-04-24T12:50:00.000+08:00

One more steps to my first goal... And don't forget also, I going to go for my holiday soon, yeah~ can't wait for it to come. I going to take my first pratice of my skill in snaping pic for my world. Going snap and snap all over the place. Hope everything going to be fine and most important, no rain. Hoho..

2010-04-06T23:17:00.001+08:00

Time really pass very fast, I losing it.. What should I do?...

2010-04-04T22:20:00.001+08:00

I think I can do it after 5 years. Need to work a bit and suffer a bit maybe a lot.. but have to take the risk. I must get out of here and...

2010-03-30T08:46:00.002+08:00

This is me and the plate.. My Baby make it. Somthing new in my photo collection. A written plate using cilli.. Em.. sounds weird but, it's an act and it brings lots of memory out of it. Besides, today before reach at our destination~ Man it rains cats and dogs. Haha.. And guess what, I got myself wet like bath in a pool? Thats how wet I am. And, thinking of like you in an air-conditional room with wet cloths~ Ya I am in that kind of situation. And its like for hours I in the room.. Anyone want to try it out? Sure there will e someont who cares for you try to warm you up. Hoho.. But I have a new experiences towards this experiences. Not bad nor good.. Hope not getting cold or anything tomorrow.
Love you Baby.

2010-03-29T08:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I had bought my camera. YEAH~ Very lucky day. Got lot of free gift. All most all of them like original bag, camera stand, LCD protector, and lots more just for 470 and is canon A3000!! As for me, it is a wonderful one. It gives everything I need. Easy for a guy who still new with snapping pictures. Yo~
Yesterday, Baby and I have a great day morning till afternoon before go to the graveyard. We have a wonderful time together. As for grave.. I not very sure what I or they want me to do. I just stand there like... a vase? Hoho..

2010-03-25T10:30:00.000+08:00

I have a dream.. Dream of my friend, Theo and Ben. I haven't been seeing them for sometime. Weird I can have dream of both of them.. The contain, I decide to keep it to myself. ^ ^
I also have another dream of my Baby. In a house, people house.. Car.. my brother also in the dream.. seeing things.. weird things.. Magical and trible things. But, things much worst it u dream of somthing chasing you. Running away from them~ I remember I dream of a dog.. wolf?? not sure but it is big and black with fangs. Like those show in the movie. Harry porter? 3 headed dog.. In this dream, it looks like I live together with the dog and take care of it. Man how can I have one of those.. so in the dream, i try to run away form it. I never came back for sometime. And.. it got so hungry.. it.. one know when hungry animal or human see a thing will do what.. So I run like mad.. Till somehow.. I excaped.

2010-03-24T10:14:00.000+08:00

So tire.. so lost. This happen yesterady, my guess hope it's not going to be true. But, I just wish for the best out of it. God knows and I don't.
So this Sunday, I'm going to go to Baby house. It's sleeping day after all. Have my sleep there. Hope I can sleep well. If I don't sleep well, everything will go upside down again for few days. Then after my nape or sleep don't know which is which, I am going out to buy my camera, A3000 canon. It's cool and lots of functions what has written on the website. Going to see it on spot on sunday. YEAH~ Then I need to continue my work on the poster fast and finish it in a few days. Wish me luck. Hope I won't spoil the my piece of act.

2010-03-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday is the worst day of my life. I'm so unlucky to be the at the scence and in the end, I had to write explaination letter. Man, it going to put some weight in my pocket money this year, 2010!! Man don't know what to say. The flask just fall off form the cardiac table by itself or may be I have shaken a little at the table. It's always been not stable, blame me? I didn't even put the flask at the table. The place was screened, I open it as I want to place back the clip board chat to the original place and wala! The flask drop to the patients bed. And guess what, the patients wife who was sleeping at the foot of the bed where the patient sleep like usual. The flask just landed upside down. Top act as the leg and the bottom as head. As I want to take the flask up from the bed.. Guess what, it explode! Like a bom! Just that only hot water gash out. I MEAN JUST BOILDED HOT WATER!! I was shock don't know what to do for the second. Then the wife screamed so loud till put my insence back together but not all. I mean this situation is out of my plan for the day. Didn't plan this thing will happen. Never thought of it what I need to do first and next. So, I just pull the water, I mean the bedsheet fill with water with , my bare hand. Man, don't pretent it's cold. It's dame hot man! With sharps all over the place, broken glasses. Then few minutes latter helpers came.
Man I do not want to have another insident in my life till the time I leave this job. Guess what, the relative as me to find the flask for the patient. Man, don't know I'm wrong or I'm just luky enough to experience it.

2010-03-17T19:41:00.000+08:00

Yes! Tomorrow is my rest day. Take a good rest for my body and soul~
Oh ya, my friend Azam had change a lot. More than I know. He has new friends and live a great life in KL. Much great than before I think. So glad can see him again. Since the last time I saw him is like 4-5 years back. Glad to meet him again. ^ ^

2010-03-15T18:13:00.000+08:00

Man, I getting really sick now. Got the flu.. hope it just common flu. If something than that, I dare not to think of it at all. So hope it just normal. Tomorrow, need to attent a test. Sucks. If fail, have to repeat and repeat till one get much better I mean for half a year?! So who say after the diploma there aren't any test? Every one study for the rest of their life. So I'm just study things I hate the most. There aren't any meaning of it. This is crazy man...
To make my life more meaning full, plan to do things I want to do. Don't know I can or not but, hope to make it for my last stand for what I have for myself as my life. Just wish to run away from the world.

2010-03-14T18:56:00.000+08:00

My brother Waun Yee is about to get marry le! Its a big news for me. Feel so happy for him. I think who knows him also will be glad and suprised. Time had pass so fast and my brother is going to have a family le. So when will be the others?
Theodora, my friend who had moved to Klang, one months ago. If I not mistaken. Her brother has grow like.. lots different than previous. Long time didn't see him like more than a year. He had changed a lot from pictures. Her mom also, had change her looks. Hehe.. more pretty ^^ Not sure when I going to meet them again. Guess for now is the website.
So now, my next things I want to buy is the camera and download as much as possible to the facebook and share with my friends and family what I had seen and experience which I wanted. ^^ Make a better life for myself before I go.

2010-03-14T08:01:00.000+08:00

Man things doen't even look good but have to move on. SUCKS>>

2010-03-13T08:51:00.000+08:00

2010-03-13T08:44:00.000+08:00

How wonderful my first day of my night had end. Feel so, dizzy and heavy eyes.. for 24 hours I has been awake. Lucky not for more than that or.. maybe it well. have to see if I can sleep or not today.. morning. Sucks life!
Nothing really interesting happen in my life. Just one thing, my baby sent me the fried rice and a bottle of water which I couldn't find where it put. The fried rice was good but a bit too spicy for me.. But still can eat. No harm. Well, nothing means much more than the belover one gave it out to her loves one..

After seeing my friends pic, I felt I have been lost and far away from them from now. Really further away from my reach. I way too weak to be next to. I been lost in the fight. I been not moving forward for so long.. Way too long form now. Don't know when and how to starts over. Must get stronger and stronger.. must to my death!

2010-03-12T10:15:00.000+08:00

Today I'm woking night shif.. Always don't like it. Making me don't know who I am after the night. Weird man.. So today is going to me like, What am I doing? Waiting for night falls to go work. Can anyone just stap on my chest or even better into the heart. Really don't feel like living. Anything better than normal job with normal time working day. Nothings seems to see right. Happy face with sorrow mind. Four years and 7 months I guess won't be slow. Need to snap out of it. Normal life is just great for me with the hate in me..

2010-03-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

Man.. everytime after the work, I feel like I want to kill myself just to get out of it. Feel like one day I will be doing it. Just don't know when it will happen only. Or I went to China and make myself out of sight. Not a bad idea. Maybe can make it the final change before I really go crazy and make the hell of the world. Grab the change.. yeah~
Lately, I think my soul had been crying a lot. Tears fall out without sadness or sorrow. Out of sudden, it just flow out of me and I don't know why is it so.It's not everyday I can see. In this situation, medical lines sure have something in their mind to say. To me, they just want to help to earn money out of me. That is what I had seen in my own eyes. Nothings comes with free not even water we drink for everyday. For the excuse, they say they prosess it. Why they do it? To save the enviroment. Then one can put all the why and who thing in and answer by your own which all make sences. Yet, to me all the problem starts from Human themselves. How polution comes from? And we use our money to pay for it. We want to live easy, like drink, buy from a shop. Sometimes I think of it, it doesn't make sence. How the source of the source comes together? It's complicated. But now, this is how life surpose to be.
So for me life is just a mystery which we can't really define the right's and the wrongs.

2010-03-11T10:46:00.000+08:00

So yestersday, both of us seen the movie of the Percy Jackson "The Lighting Thief". Not bad but, there are so much missing parts. After watching it, there are 5Wand H in my mind. The story end just like that. But at less I can connect with the 3 book I'm reading following 4 and 5. The first and 2 book, out of stock. Bad luck.
So yesterday went pretty well except, I a bit moody. She could feel it. Don't know why but she could. I refuse to tell when she ask, cause I didn't what to talk about it. We rushed to the movie hall for we were kind'na late. After the movie we stright went to have our dinner. For sometime we decided what we want to eat. Finally we came to a Japanese Food store. So we went in. Not bad for the food. We ate well and happy for the food we ordered. Then a little shopping think of it, man cos us a lot more than 30 just 3 staff. One for 10 ++. Shopping always make one go blind.
Coming back felt so tire.. But happy. ^^

2010-03-10T10:29:00.000+08:00

Yeah~ Finish my cleaning.. The bed sheet, pillow case, carpet.. sweep and mop the floor. The room feel refeshing now. Just waiting for the linen to dry up.

This morning, I have a sudden wake. Don't know why. After wake up feel really dizzy and headache plas plas. I investigate for few minutes why, finnally I found it. It is the smell of my roomate perfume. Too strong. The smell trap inside the room. The window isn't fully open. I quickly get out of bed, windows and door open with the fan blow all the air out of the room. Then I went out of the room to take a deep breath. Feel much better after a while. Now the air is more natural than half an hour ago.

Today, I had the stranges dream..which I couldn't really remember. Just remembered the rooms in the building, no no.. a place I saw big and poison insert all over the house. I didn't really why I needed to go to the place but I was with a group of people. My friends I guess. I did remember I was with a kid secure him form getting hurt form it. Carry the kid out of the sight.
Few people get bit attached to the insert, in my sight. They are huge.. as huge as the lady breast! I mean big one of cause. Don't know why after the insert attached, they are gone from the sight. It's so weird. But at that time, I just want to run with the kid on my back out of the place. The palce was dark and crepy. Like the home of inserts. Man what does this dream want to show me. But when I carried the kid, I had a strong feeling want to protect him like he means a lot to me. Why?

2010-03-09T15:56:00.000+08:00

Finally I going to have a rest day for tomorrow. Yeah~ Been dying to meet the day. Tomorrow Going to have fun out shopping.. Hehe.. not really shoping. Going out with my girlfriend watch movie. Hope can make it. Yeah~ Can't wait till the tomorrow. Hope everything will go well and smooth.
Em.. think like my handphone battery has a problem. It dry up so fast that I need to change it like everyday. I just buy the phone like 2 months ago. This shoulding be happening right? Don't know if I have bought the lame one or not. Unlucky me. But, I like the phone very much. ^^ only the function sometimes boil me up = =

Two months from now, I going to have change to go to CHINA le! For the first time go for tour!! With family YES! If I lucky enough, I want to learn something I like form there like act.. The art which I have been looking for years in my life. Hope I have the luck to see one or gain something like that. Wonder what I can see there..
Today things just happen to be a day of full of surprise! Things happen meant to be something connective and smooth like nothing at all. Not bout work bout about other than work of cause. Work never went smooth at all.

The music of the death.. It's so meaning full... Make a person to move like never before.

2010-03-08T21:53:00.000+08:00

Looks like my pal had ran into something bad. Think of it, not as bad as it looks. Maybe because he had met someone, my guess his type. In this situation he has to choose which to accept. One from near and another from a far. I wonder what will he choose? Just now I phone him, and he sounds ok like nothing happen. Like normal him. Think of it, maybe he sad inside but another thought, the web girl he mention maybe has healed him. Or maybe not all. Hope he will recover because he is my friend. God Bless him well, plz.
So tire now. Few days later need to do another night le. Feel like don't want to continue le. Living in the way of nursing make me want to die with the patients.

2010-03-08T16:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went to Gurney for a walk.. to buy book for I want to buy. After bought I found a NINJA ASSASSIN movie! Man really happy. Love the movie very much! So I bought it. Then had a surprise from my girlfriend giving a birthday cake. Even thought I knew but still wonderful. The cake em.. don't know how.. to.. em.. hard like a rock. But yummy!! GOOD~ Got a present, pants em.. no jeans from her but a bit too tight. So need to change the size few days after. Wonderful day even it is not exciting. Love you baby.

"We were born to be great. not to bully others but to shine, share and make our creater proud..

Be sincere in knowing what you want than search with all your heart. Like a drowning man fighting for breath and you will find him or her. God bless you in your search." by Uncle Kee.
Thank you for the support.

2010-03-08T16:05:00.000+08:00

The night before my birthady, I SMS with my old friend. Someone special.. someone I like since a period of time been. Until now, I still have the like towards her. It every interesting also between us. I first meet her in the school when I was about 13 or 14 like that, and it just onces. I fall for her le. Then when I grew older 16, I was shock to see her just infront of me siting in the same class as I am. But after some time she moved to another city. I feel down for sometime.. but out of my imagination, I meet her again when I turn 19 in my collage but.. I was scare to ask for her. Scare she reject.. because I had been rejected onces. Feels really bad. But at less now, we are friends. Sad, but what to do for I have choose another..
Then my oldest friend which I can't find. May be he just beside me but, I didn't notice him. The only clue I have is the old pic from my kidergarden time. Man I need to dig a deep hole to find him. Don't even know his name. But I believe I will see him someday. When that day come. I will protect him forever.

2010-03-06T15:45:00.001+08:00

Today, busy as always. Don't really like doctors round at all. Man still very new to know all the procedures. Everyday procedure!! Man I going to be procedure man!!!
Today I have done one admission for Lt URS and KIV stent. Em.. not very hard but lot of things to do. Get me confused for a time. Take blood, ECG, CXR, inform OT... No helper to take the blood set up drip. No body come help do ECG.. Tension! everyone busy with thier things.. and it's my time to pass the report. Feel like I going to faint! But finally at 1355hours, my helper came. Yes, everything go smooth. Write everything which need to be fill. man it's pages! Complete the important parts then, call to OT to inform case. Man simple things can be come complicated when doing without direction. Hope I didn't miss out anything.. If not things will be bad for me tomorrow. Walau!!

Now forget bout it for hours since I off duty. Today, Baby family going to celebrate birthday party for me. Ask me how I feel, I not sure myself. Never really have a birthday party before. I mean with cake singing and everything. Some how I have the bad feeling about today plan. Just I can pray for nothing unexpected happen. good luck better than bad luck.

Beside that, my friend Eugene, don't know how to tell him. He can forget to go to sleep just because he met a girl in the web. Chat with her for like 10pm to 4am?? Wo.. this isn't sound good to me. Plas he has girlfriend now. Em.. hope he can break it. What advice I can give him? > <

Another friend Yee, having difficulties in relationship. I can't really help her to solve her problem. I just advice her this and that. Hope I didn't give the wrong advice. People always say, never advice people but to listen to their heart. Hope she can have a great life. Hope the boy she meet this time is a good one and won't give her another heart break. In this relationship, her parents don't like her to be with him. May be is the age and the occupation relationship. So I just tell her to go slow to build a strong relationship. May work or may not. I can't do anything beside is her life. Wish her the best. God bless her.

2010-03-05T21:08:00.000+08:00

Change the style.. Better look and better view? The best thing about living is that I can see my close friend and none close grow and live in their world. Fantastic! But, if you ask me bout the bad things bout living I am sure you will regret after you ask. So lets don't talk about it.

My friend Raymond had girlfriend Few months back I think. Can't get contect with him. Too busy I think plus, we not that close. I get to know him because he has the guy I looking for from his back side. What ever it is, I still consider him as friend. No big deal.

Then another friend Susie had new o should I say grown up boyfriend. Haha.. She, I not sure where but few years back saw her in the facebook. Not bad, not really change much but got some decoration than shcool days. She the girl I fall for, em.. think bout three years? But, can't get close to her. The forth year finnaly, I let go. There were funny things happen during the 3 years. Think of it make me laugh.

Audi, em.. he looks more like.. bigger size. From a photo from facebook of cause. Where is the best place to find them? Didn't ask what he working but from my view, he doing great! Chat with him for a moment but internet line not so good. So just a while. Lucky, get his phne number. Can contect anytime.

For others I manage to look trough.. Happy to see them and their memory too. Hope someday I can have life like them. Ithink of something make my facebook more alive just like them. Yeah~
- -ll think of it the only place for now is working place.. Show them things they never see before? Is it against the law? From today I got the 5 days straight morning shif.

2010-03-05T20:15:00.000+08:00

So tire.. and .. Feel like.. em.. want.. Percy Jackson! Not a bad book to read. Easy to understand and imagine... Tomorrow another morning.. Another day..

2010-03-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

Don't feel like working, after today everyday is morning for 5 days!! Man this is killing me wake up early.. and morning shif always is the most busy day. Life slowly fade away. Living in a meanless life.. nothing interesting but just work and work and work without a fix time.. Hate this life more and more and more!!!! Feel like just want to die just like that.

2010-02-25T10:34:00.000+08:00

Working is the most scariest place in my life. There are thousands of mistake I have make. Can't even count.. Why do I choose to take care life in my hand? I really piss off !!! Killing them in a single mistake make. 4 years and 8 months to go.. How many people can I save or killed?

2010-02-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

Today working is the worst day of my life! Set up drip, make a huge mistake untill the patient bleed from the surflow side. What a mess. I didn't do all my jo properly and forget to do. Haiz.. so bad bad bad bad!!! How long can I live? See what will happen..

2010-02-13T22:35:00.001+08:00

Thinking.. thinking.. I really hate nursing. Hate HATE HATE!! So stress out.. so can't let go..

2010-02-06T10:55:00.000+08:00

Too weak.. need to push lots more to become much stronger. Too many weak points.. Need to brush up.. lack of something important. Partner.. Need to find someone who is good enough.. to train with me.. or.. should I find any in this world?.. Felt so strange.. emotion.. So mix.. lost.. HATE IT! IS THIS A LIFE? So strange.. can't overcome it.. So weak.. So useless.. Need to become stronger than now. MUCH STONGER! First, die before I can move on. Monday.. Can I? Can do it or I just another LOOSER?!

2010-02-04T23:26:00.000+08:00

Just a wish I can make.. I just want to become stronger and stronger. No matter what happen. There are still a long way to go.. The body of unknown of the known. More workout, more more more skills and power. Amen

2010-02-02T12:10:00.000+08:00

Just a few days pass, now start to hate the life here like mad! Not really sure can handle the 5 or 7 years here or not. What to do what not to do? Can I just run away from where I am? Nothing is right in what to do.
Body system starts to come down.. may be not last for a year it will break down. Man I hate this feeling.

2010-01-14T17:49:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the day.. going to go to the ward.. Man, I dont like the feeling of it at all. 7 years or less is a long way to error and goods. Man fast make the time pass. What should I learn from now own? It's hard to decide. But sure not going to be bout the health stuff. No way, and not a change!!

2010-01-13T19:46:00.000+08:00

Its sometime since the last update for my blog. Now it like a bout two week working, it's more like orentation than working. Two more day for the last. Its a bit boring day but I learn a lot of things this few two weeks. Recall and refreshing all the procedure and don't forget new information gain also. There are so much things need to do and change as a staff nurse. I feel so stress.. 5-7 years say is fast but, how to go trought it, i going to face lots of problem. I remind myself just for 5-7 years only. Just for the years only..

This morning, i have a dream. It not a wonderful dream, neither sad. I dream I'm riding a bike, rushing to a place. In the heavy rain, I reached a place. A bridge is few miles away from me. Suddenly my bike broke down. No choice, i have to walk and climb the way trough to the bridge. To my suprise, I found the bridge has been filled up by see water. I look a bit closer, its look like the Penang bridge. I can only see water suround me where i stand. Dark clouds, rainning, cool winds all over me. Out of sudden, after few minutes stood there, the see level over the bridge starts to come down and the bridge can be seen onces again. I saw lots of cars on the bridge all alone the road. The next moment, i open my eyes i see i was on my bed. Mystery sight.. Will it be true or it just a dream. What ever it is, life just have to go on for now.

Wish this year will be going smooth and well for another thousands of years to come.

2009-12-29T00:23:00.001+08:00

Time really passes by and it's never wait for nobody. 3 more days from now to in back away from my hometown. Feels sad bout it. But nothing can be done for it.
Today things I gain is, no one can ever see what her child want except mom. She sure know what they want.
Beside that, during this holiday things happen. I go out with my friends and most of the time play games with my brothers. Really have fun with all of them. Even though Everyone has their own problems to be solve. Some, its complicated but my guess, they can handle it well. I can only sit and give a helping hand to them. Nothing else I can do, life is unique for everyone in this world. I wish them to have blessed future. All of them.

2009-11-26T21:41:00.000+08:00

Man, I its really hard for me since fews days back. Can't control the emotion well. When is it I can left this place so call, the earth? Why can't I see the beauty of the world like others? What is it I seeing thing so dull? Why has the world so mean to me? Why do I have to stay alive? Nothing seems to fit it. Recall, God tell us that He want to share His life with us and be with Him.. Really very complicated for me. Questioning isn't a good choice to do but yet I do it. I am still a human being.
I shouldn't have come here. I getting myself worst than before. Much much worst, from inside to outside. What should I do?
Why should I know all this things? All the things I see here? Why is it has to be in my life?
One answer for it, the world is just build like that.

Dame, my head hurts a lot more than usual. Man the hit from few years back really trouble me. What a bad experience and what a life I have. Is it all my faith? I sold my soul out better than living in this world. Pain, anger.. living in this stage will bring out nothing out of me. Everyone say die is not the solution, and the truth is they can't accept death. Besides, a man can't be death when it is not their time to die yet. When the time come, no matter what we do, death comes from it's own. How can a man run away from death? I wish my death is near.
When I was a kid at the age of 10+ I want to live long to see the world. I want to build a body of mine which will never die. One day I realise, I am such a full to think of it. death is beautiful. A man will truly be a human being is the day they die. Why do human scare to die? If they not fulfilling the work fair enough but, time come God has plan. So no worry. Time to come out and time to give in.

Why do people like to look at a person with a kind of look. I see lots of people doing it. Maybe I too sensitive to it. The look, make me want to kill them all. How can a human look at a person like they are wothless. One person advice me to, show what you have to them. To me, why should I show to them? They are not worth for me to show what I have to them. They are just nothing but a flesh of a human body. I hate those who make themselve as the top of a person like they are slave with their words and looks. A dog will also bit his master when the master didn't treat them well.

I really hate to see all this thing. Nurses are just a junk to me. Saving, helping, what the hack I am doing? Protection? I can't see what the worth of all the things I had seen. But, I think when someone see this I sure lots of people will say something bout it. Cos, life is precious. Nothing is more precious than life itself. It is the truth, but at the same time it is not. Depend how we see it and what we see and what we have been trough. Everyone has their own way of living, and enviroment plays a big role of it to the way of we live.

REALLY WISH I CAN GET OUT OF HERE FAST!!

2009-11-26T16:55:00.002+08:00

I'm i over look things or thats who I am? Or everyone can see and feel it too?

I see disgust, in their eyes towards me. Everytime I see, I feel so hard to control my emotion of the darkness. It's like covering me from inside out of me.. It's like fighting against myself. Hate to see the eyes of theirs. Feel like want to crush it with my bare hands but, I gain nothing for it. People, full of emotion. The one can trust become the one cant trust. The unknown one, become the saviour. What life mean to a person to live?

2009-11-12T08:21:00.002+08:00

Why do I feel so sad?
Why do I feel so down?
Why do I feel so blue?

I don't know why. I don't when I going to snap out of it. I don't know how..
For I, also not sure what is it all about. I smile, I laugh.. I'm just lying to myself. Try to be happy but, nothing goes right with all the unstable emotion and mentally.

What is the thing has stop me moving?
What is blocked my sight?

BUt.. ^^ I believe I can move out of it. Because, I am who I am. For there are people support me. Father, Mother, Baby and Eugene.

2009-11-10T19:28:00.004+08:00

Few days ago, I was wondering what I want to do in my life. Thinking.. At last I realise something. I really like bowling and snap picture where I am. When I start working, think I will start all this during my working time. Feels very happy to have a role to play in my life, for my life, for a living.

2009-11-09T17:44:00.002+08:00

Today working, I get slapped, in another words. But not so bad la. The thing is that I do the measurement for the blood pressure twice. The reason is that, the reading is not accurate. Then the guy make a pump on my hand. Thanks to him, I starts to know how weak my body is. Need to do some physical training le. ^^
Think bout something, my room mate yesterday use my place where I alway place my helmet. Guess what, I didn't even scold him or say anything, I just find another place for my helmet. Think I too kind hearted. That's why people keep bully me. ^^

Something not write bout me.. where and why.. I just don't get it myself. em... Guess, thats all for now.

2009-11-05T07:50:00.002+08:00

Yeah~ I have finish my hospital exam! It is not very hard yet mistake can be done anywhere. The station come out is the eye swabing including the eye drop, STO, oxygen, calculation of medication, glove, CBD, oral medication, RT insertion, I/O chart, and cleaning umbili cord. Sound esay but when you into it, its like everything turn upside down. Anyway, all of the station I can do it well except for few.. I have the feeling I will pass for my OSCE. Everything bout to starts from the new view..

There are few weird things happen to me. Feel like I am not myself and what I am. Feel like I have lost for the few days. During test after test, man the pain is unbareable. The headache is like killing me. I starts to loose my anger anytime anywhere. Feels bad.. I have been not very nice with my girlfrind lately. What should I do? Everything I do just not right. She even said that I shout at her in the public, which I didn't realise. What is wrong with me? But deep inside me, I know what is happening to me. Enviroment really will make a person grow and change. Unconciousness of a person will change too.. I really need to reboot myself..

2009-10-30T16:35:00.002+08:00

"If one cannot handle a person, how can one handle the world? I have to handle thousands of the same kind; You, created by Me with My hands, how can't you?"

LUCIFER
Jealous is the main key to make him fall from the side of God.
He has been thrown away from God's kingdom.
Disgust, hate.. has been borned sinces then. Draw his plan to build an army of distruction to God's kingdom.
Darkness filled up the world.
Peace starts to be shaken~
Armies started to armed themselves, secure their own place and doing their duties for their kindom.
Waiting for the time to come..
Waiting for the ultimate weapon, of destruction.
We will see the roar of the Earth in pain.
For we can't see the fight because for we are far away from the sight of God.

"Been a nurse, taking a test is no much meaning of been taking a real life test."

My OSCE is coming, this coming tuesday. Wish me luck! But in the end and the result, hate nursing will never fade away.

2009-10-17T23:34:00.002+08:00

Today I learn a lot of things from Uncle (my girl friend father) and his friends. They talk bout the economic where I live. There are so much things need to learn and know bout it. Even I 100 years old I would not even finish it.
Even I have know what is it but, still I..
Hope the peace in my mind.

CABG

2009-08-28T08:02:00.002+08:00

Operation report

Admit: 25/8

Operation day: 26/8

Surgeon: Mr EJB

Assistant: Sn T and Sn Sn H

Scrub nurse: Sn W

Anesthetist: Dr G

Perfusionist: MAL

Diagnosed: Coronary artery disease with EF 70%

Operation: CABG x3 with LIMA to the LAD vein graft to OM and RCA

Finding: Dilated heart

LAP 25mm very severely diseased.

OM 2mm very severely diseased.

RA 2.5mm severely diseased.

Perfusion Data

Aortic Cannula: 20FR

Venous Cannula: Sams 2 stage

Dump: Sto ckert-shiley oxygenator; capiox

By pass time: To minutes

X-clamp time: 43 minutes

The operation steps

The chest was opened via a median sternotomy. The LIMA and segment of each long saphenous vein were haruested. After systemic heparinization, cardiopulmonary by pass was established for a total of 70 minutes using a size 20 FR aortic cannula and a 2-stage venous cannula. Capliox membrane oxygenator was used. The patient's temperature was lowered to 32'C. The aorta was cross-clamped for a total of 43 minutes and warm blood cardio plegia solution infused into the aortic arrest. Subsequent doses were antegradely given every 15 minutes.

The vein graft were anastomosed to the RCA and OM using continuous 7 '0' Prolene. On removal of the cross clamp, the heart reverted spontaneously to sinus rhythm. The proximal anastonaoses of the vein grafts were performed to the aorta using a side-biting clamp.

After full systemic re warming cardiopulmonary by pass was wanted off without difficulty. Protamine was given. Hemostasis was secured. Routine de cannulation was performed. The chest was closed in routine fusion, with left pleural and mediastinal drains. The sternum was re approximated with three figure of eight wires. The subcutaneous tissues was closed with 1 '0' Vicryl suture. The skin incision was closed using subcuticular 3 '0' Vicryl.

The patient was then transfered to cardiothoracic intensive care unit intubated was satisfactory hemodynamics. The instrument and swab counts were correct at the end of the procedure.

CABG post-operative orders

Monitoring

low high unit

heart rate 50 110 bpm

systolic BP 90 140 mmHg

diastolic BP 50 70 mmHg

mean BP 70 100 mmHg

CVP 5 10 mmHg

PCNL 8 12 mmHg

CI 2.2 3.5 L/min/ msq

S.V.R.I 800 1500 v/msq

Laboratory

P.C.V 30 55 persent

pH 7.4 7.5

PO2 100 200 mmHg

PCO2 30 45 mmHg

Potassium 3.0 4.5 mmol/L

Chest Drainage

First hour less than 400ml

subsequent hour less than 200 ml/ hour

urine output > 1/2 ml/kg body weight/ hour

1. NG tube to intermittent suction. Remove when patient extubated. CBD to gravity. Chest tubes to lower suction at 20cmH2O.

2. Laboratory studies PCV, Na, K, ABG, on arrival and PRN. FBC, Renal profile, RBS on arrival and 1st POD. If patient diabetic, initial insulin protocol 4 hourly.

3. CXR within 1 hour of arrival and PRN on 1st POD.

4. Diet: Nil orally until extubated and NG tube out. Then begin clear liquids and proceed to no added salt, low cholesterol diet.

5. IV Fluid: Maintains D5% at 60 mm/hr. When patient is taking orally, may discontinue IV infusion. Leave one peripheral IV capped.

6. Antibiotic: Superazon 1gm TDS

7. Morphine infusion: 30 mg/ 50ml 5% Dextrose at 1-5 ml/hr

8. Sedation: Dormicum 2.5 mg IV 1-2 hourly for agitation.

9. Potassium infusion: 1g in 40ml 5% Dextrose at 5-20 ml/hr tilt rate to K level. Administer through central line.

10. Other medication: GTN, Controlc, Dopamin

11. (ventilator setting)

12. Extubation plan: Early extubation

13. Post extubation, give 50% oxygen by ventimask.

14. Cardia output studies are done on arrival from theatre and repeated every 4 hourly if required.

15. Inotropes and vasodilators as order by surgeon.

16. 12- leads ECG when patient's temperature 36.5'C.

17. Increase activity according to open heart surgery critical path.

18. Start Aspirin 75mg daily on 1st POD if no contraindication.

The medication the patient was on;

- IV Superazon 1gm TDS

- IV Controloc 40mg OD

- IV Morphine 30mg/ 50mls

- IV Dopamin 200mg/ 50mls

- IV KCL 1gm/ 50mls

- IV GTN 50mg/ 50mls

- IV Precedex 200mg/ 50mls

- IV Maxolon 10mg PRN/6hr

- Plavix 75mg OD

- Frusemide 40mg OD

- Slow K 2 tab OD

- Duragesic patch 25mg

- Tramadol 50mg 6hr

- Vascor 10mg ON

On the 26/8 after the operation, total drainage was 380mls and on the 27/8 was 180mls. There were still infusion of 1 pack cell of blood during the intra-operation and 2 more pack in reserve and the left over blood of the patient was infused back. And in 2 days time, Plasma gel of 1350mls has been infused for the CVP was low. Patient was extubated on the 26/8 at 2040 hours and was admitted to ICU at 1230 hours. In the morning on the 27/8 patient does not have good aptitude, the infusion D5% was continued. At 1245 hours the left pleural and mediastinal drains has been removed. After the operation, the HGT checked for the patient was slightly high, infusion insulin 1:1 was put on for 3 hours then was stopped. The K was low after the operation but manage to push back with the infusion of 30mls/hr with the lowers reading of 3.49 and was reduced to 10mls/ hr at the reading of 4.73.

Anyone interested to know?

2009-08-26T15:21:00.004+08:00

LGL ( patient) refer to Dato YKT (Surgeon) from Dr. DWNW who diagnosed him having Ampulla Tumor.

On the 11/8

Seen Dato YKT. History retaken, he ordered for Lung Function Test (LFT), MRI Abdo, and CXR.

-LFT shows spirometry is within normal limits

-MRI Abdo shows bilateral biliary and pancreatic ducts; likely ampulla lesion suggest further assessment with ERCP

-ECG shows sinus rhythm.

On the 12/8

Dato YKT suggest for Whipple's OP on the 21/8 admit on the 21/8. For group and cross match 2 unit of pack cell, anesthesia and cardiac assessment.

On the 21/8

Seen by Dato YKT for OP on Monday. To admit, for group and cross match 2 unit of pack cell (Done). For anesthesia and cardiac assessment.

Seen by Dr L ( Cardiac assessment) Echo done shows EF: 78% Then he ordered for EST. Done, and Dr L allowed to proceed for the OP.

On the 22/8

Seen by Dato YKT, for anesthesia assessment today, chest physiotherapy for diabetic management, Dr C.

Dr. C (diabetic management) seen the patient, for TDS HGT monitoring. Put on Daonil 1.5 tablet am and 1 tablet pm and continue own medication, Coversyl.

Dr. W (anesthesia assessment) viewed the patients to book ICU bed. To do PT, APTT and blood test.

PT and APTT shows normal and blood test shows normal too.

He also comment for Dr C to put regime for insulin.

On the 23/8

Dr C comments on S/C Insulated 10 unit BD and continue own medication at OP day, Monday.

Dato YKT on leave covered by Mr O, continue same treatment.

Dr L ask to discharge from his side.

On the 24/8

Dr W ordered for S/C Actrapid and withhold S/C Insulated including tablet Daoril.

Dato YKT ordered for 1L of D/Saline with 1.5 L of D5% plus 2gKCL and he also ordered for CBD insertion.

OP DONE...

In the ICU

Oxygen 5L via simple mask. On CVP monitoring.

Dato YKT order to maintain CVP reading between +10 to +12. If lower challenge plasma gel if higher give lasix 20mg. He also put on IV suprazon 1g, controloc and sandostatin.

(Over all, plasma gel 3.5L has been transfused to the patient in 3 days time. The CVP reading is around +4 to +6)

Seen by Dr W for 6 hourly HGT monitoring and 4 hourly CVP monitoring. He also ordered for FBC, BUSE, Urine for hemoglobin and blood transfusion report.

-FBC shows TWBC high, TRBC low, Hb low

-BUSE shows normal

-Blood transfusion report shows allergic reaction

-To off epidural after completion of 120 mls.

On the 25/8

Dr C ordered for S/C insulated and Coversyl for BP high and HGT reading is 20.1 mmol/L.

As for Dr W, ordered for Isoket infusion to lower down the BP.

Dato YKT ordered to transfused 1 unit of pack cell and allowed to transfer out to the ward. But, the daughter want to stay for another day. Granted.

On the 26/8

Dato YKT allowed patient to be transfered out to the ward, as Dr C continue his treatment and Dr W allow to be transfer out too.

The patient general condition during discharge conscious and alert.

2009-08-17T17:19:00.002+08:00

Ya, everyone doing fine? As for me, nothing going to be fine but, life goes on. What every happen has to happen can't be prevent anymore. So why? I just life on. There are no wrong and right things in this world in the end. It's just God Himself.

2009-08-15T11:07:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone, anyone read news? Malaysia got bout 56 death link with H1N1. people with complication such as low immunity, pregnant mother, child and who has history of diabetic, hypertension or both is at high risk. Do not know why? So do take care for yourself. At any age will can have it. Do remember it.

If you not into anything, don't go to the hospital!

2009-08-14T19:54:00.002+08:00

Lucky me or not lucky me. Staying in the hospital and working in the hospital. Feel like I am very stupid. But everyone say is good and nice. Your got the future. Think of it, I got death better than future. Death is so near to me. Protection, does it really protect? The leaders say, not need to protect. Living here is like hell. Nobody is right nor wrong. It's like Hell! HELL it is.

2009-08-03T18:11:00.002+08:00

Gash, a Demon who want to be the King of The Demon World. There are 100 over demon has been chosen to be the king but, only one can be. To see who is the strongest, they has come to the human world to fight. In order to use their power they need the help of the human heart and read their book of spell list in it.

Gash came to the world of human with a terrified experiences. Before he can find his master, the one who can read his book of spell, his memory has been taken away by his opponent. His opponent who takes away his memory has the same face like his and same power. To find out more... You have to read it yourself. How Gash get trough all this experiences? How Gash going to be the king of the world with an enemy who took away his memory? Who is his master who will save him and make him to be the king?

Its a story full of adventure, laughter, and excitement!

2009-07-30T22:44:00.002+08:00

Myocardial Infarction

Definition

Myocardial Infarction occur when the area of the heart muscle dies or is permanently damaged because of an inadequate of oxygen to the area.

2009-07-29T16:41:00.002+08:00

Long time I didn't write my blog. This morning, I do my management. Not very bad, thinking of want to help staff nurse finish their things make me move for a while but, I am an idiot also for I can't think of how to make a sentence out of the doctor written. I can just make a hardly understood sentence. Have to redirect me every time. Lot of people has lots of why to do. As for me I have to write more for I have bad memory. Sometimes feel like the world is chasing after me for same kind of act. Been used.. But, there are humans want to help me also. I can see that. Even they are angry but they help a lot. Learning take place for me is too slow.. I need to improve it so that they have time to go for lunch. I have my lunch at 1250 hours today. Consider very late for, I need to pass report at 1330 hours. Pass report is not hard nor easy. I still not very good at it. 3 patients I pass for almost 15 minutes. Took so long to pass a simple report? Just wasting people time. Working as staff nurse is not my passion, knowing what medication and health things is not my passion but helping staff nurse to do things is my passion. How am I going to fix it? I do not have a clue..

Today after work I got scolding. Like always because I didn't really update my cross. But do not know why, I felt very angry when I heard that. For the pass has make me felt it. A man like me should not be a nurse. After see them, I just walk off just like that even thought she ask me to see someone. I had feel up will hates... Then I went to the find Digi centre for information. The centre is just around the conner. How wonderful. make thing easier for me. So happy! Think going to change to digi line back. So my maxis going to be cut off just like that. Think have to wait also for there are things need to be wait. ^^

Now now, think I have finish for my today story. I will end this for a sentence...

"I HATE CON MORE THAN NURSING AND I CRUSH NURSING WITH MY BARE HAND!"

2009-07-24T08:10:00.002+08:00

Today I work evening shift. Feel like no mood to work but, has to work. Last few days I work night shift. Nothing complicated things happen. Just start to go busy after the report. After the first night, I can only sleep for two hours for the day. Lucky after second night, I can sleep for at less six hours.

Yesterday, I went out to buy lots of things. Helmet staff, and computer staff. All together like almost reach RM 400.00 just for the day. I wonder how I going to survive for years. Just has to do what is all needed. Must not spend too much for another few months. If not money is another problem for me.

2009-07-21T14:07:00.002+08:00

Where I stay now, the atmosphere were covered by haze.. For few day which is after the heavy rain for few days. Until now, there was none. What a hot and dirty air around here for this few days. Now I not feeling very well, do not know why.. Maybe is that I found out something about me today. Making myself down, very down.. Can I not care bout it? Think now because it affect a lots of people around me. What should I do? What shouldn't I do... Tough question. I just make people around me worry about me only..

Beside test is coming soon. About three more months the hospital exam. Bb told me if I pass the exam she will feel relax. I need to work very hard for the test if not, she can't has a good rest. I will do my best until the end of the day. Beside test, there are others things I need to worry. Think this is life. Never ever can stop worrying on something and life still go on. I wonder, how people spend their time? Seeing them living in a happy life.

Talking bout happy, I remember the time I play badminton in my house. My brothers and sister should recall it including my mom. I played it the whole day with them. From morning until evening. Fantastic! Thats the time our skill on badminton increases a lot, my brother, sister and myself. All type of skills and how to create a better challenge in a small and packed place to play badminton. I can't remember how we did it. It was the best and wonders' time ever with my brothers and sister. And the game starts with pairs until, me alone with my brothers and sister against me. Think of it, I wonder how I manage it. I can remember that they didn't cooperative enough but, in the end they did. I have a hard time playing but, I think it's the happiest time I could remember for now.

Now the most interesting is that, how I view life is about to change when I realize that Bb is beside. Do not know why.. Last time I don't really feel it that way. Maybe Bb love to me and I to Bb is really great. But tell the truth, I need to do lots of basic needs in the house.. ^^

2009-07-20T19:26:00.002+08:00

Today is my day off and it's Monday. Just now I went to the computer shop, guess what? They moved to another place. So I call and call and the result, they nothing. So, my computer didn't fixed yet. Today very happy, and very happy us the word I can think.

Call this morning, inform me that my sister going to have her own board band, cool. She also told me not to share computer with others. Do not know what to say bout it because it is impossible to do so. Computer is for transferring data and exchanging data. See how it goes..

Planning to upgrade my ram laptop to the highest it can support so that easy for me to do things. And the most important things is, fast.. Yeah~ But how much it cause, not sure yet. hope its not so expensive.. Then if got money but not to have it yet, cooler fan. Old one spoiled. Hope to find cool one woo~

2009-07-19T17:26:00.005+08:00

Yesterday, I feel very happy together with Bb and with her family too. Very scary when talk with them all but, I will not make her feel disappointed. Really scare at that time. This is how it feel when going into another family?

Today, working not so bad but not my friend mouth so bad. She say that Bb is not suitable for me . What she knows? What is talking about? Trying to break people relationship? Dame her! She so dame ass!! Why there is such a person live in this world? Why there is me, experiences all this? The answer might be review when time comes. I want to know! And truly I love Bb. For she, never left me alone in the dark no matter where I am..

2009-07-17T14:45:00.002+08:00

Last week, my parents come to my place where I work and stay. The day they come, I went to my girl friend house. That day also, I got scold by Uncle Ben for not inform him that I do not want to rent the house and he added. "If you have cancel early the house can be rent to a customer for 10 days rent. Because of you we didn't rent it. We trusted you." Said it with a disgust look and full of anger in his face. Make me want to laugh. Why there are such a guy who didn't respect himself and others by scolding people in the public? This is the place where I stay. No human natural just evil.. Thinking what is best for themselves and do what they want to for themselves. Will you scold a customer like that in public? What a guy.. What a guy..

When my parents come for the trip, rain for the rest of the day. Bad luck, can't go for a swim in the sea. The only place can go is the shopping complex. Walks for hours until my leg.. But, we have our great meals with my parents.

Last Sunday, there was a sight for me at my girl friend house. Don't really want to remember it. Then come to the day of our day? Em.. Suddenly remember someone which had gone back to KL...

Speak out her, she is very nice girl. Bad parts, of cos she has, including myself. No one is perfect. Just have to understand each other and things will get slightly better. But the truth, all human just want to do what he or she thinks best for her and another person in their own view. Just like me, I hope I can change it. But I too stubborn to do so. What can I do? I just do not know.. Try is easy to say but act, is dame hard. After the first love, I scare to love another yet, I love.. Happy to know her yet sad for I still can't overcome last love. I show emotionless to everyone yet the true feeling is just hide inside where I myself can't even reach it. Now, I believes in her, Bb. I trusted her for she really loves me and I really love her. Yet, I feel crushed when I remember the first..

The most regret things I have do is I choose nursing but, I am very happy to know most of my friend here. What will happen when I still continue this part? I just have a very bad feeling bout it and feel very sad. It's like my life is shortened few years for me. But, only God knows the truth. I just follow blinded for what I think He asked from me. Which is call believe but still, I wonder, WHO AM I? WHY SHOULD I? WHAT AM I? Am I follow GODS' words or I am following EVIL path? Life is confusing.. Good and evil has been mixed all up.

Evil are using Gods' word for "his" needs.

Can one decide it when one face this kind of problem? I heard that even Bishop can mistaken it. Do you? Can you?

2009-07-07T19:54:00.004+08:00

Close and open my eyes, all pass and present has been moving so fast like nothing. But dark will always runs in my head. Why? I do not have a clue. But today I learn that, why we can't question God. Not because of anything and it just because that, He love us. Question create hates towards a person. Do anyone agree?

This morning, I was in a very bad mood. My mind is all over the place. Thinking nonsense like, can't tell will hurt someone. Then I started to wonder why? Why all negative thought keep on coming in? It just like someone beside you keep on repeating the negative thought to you. It's like someone talking to you none stop about someone bad habit, act.. anything which is bad about a person. Feel very affected and annoyed. Guess what, suddenly the name of "Jesus" appeared. I has been talking to him for few years ago, I think. Then secondly, I told myself, Jesus does not speak bad about people. He does not want people to hate others. So, "Devil" come to my mind. Then I start to ask, why do Evil want to create a solider to fight against God? Should I say Satan? He is the one who control the evil ones. I asked few times the question and suddenly an answer. God, the father love us so much that He do not want to let us join His fight with the devil. He always told us to love others like we love ourselves. When people slap you on the right let them slap on another side too. So in another words, there are no reason for me to know why God and Evil are enemy because, FATHER wishes us to love anyone good and evil. Seeking for the Evil against God will lead the Devil to seek into our spirit and lead us away from GOD, our FATHER and the only FATHER we ever have. Why I said so? It is because, I experience it myself.

So tire working and today feel like going to be sick anytime. If can I do not want to go to work tomorrow morning. Whole body like break down. Today always mess up which patient is which. Almost sent, do things for the wrong patient. Really very dangerous, when think of it@@ Today, I also manage to do one discharge. Not very fast but still can finish it almost by my own. Today sister want to do round with me. Lucky she didn't. I do not know anything bout my patients and the only things I care is carry out all the things been asked and is the best for the patient. I don't care their history or doctor has done. I care is the things happening now. What should I do for them to make them feels better. What is next for them? It's not a good attitude but, thats me.

^^ someone ask me out for dinner. For the first time ever. So next time..

2009-07-06T15:30:00.002+08:00

Today, very busy like before. I manage to finish up a discharge for a patient without much mistake. Yeah~ Just to make myself happy and other staff nurse happy. Student can do anything without much mistake. Today also very lucky, I almost make a big mistake. If I make it, staff will going to kill me for sure. Have to write explaining later and etc. Lucky God sent an angle to me and patient saved and I saved. If not, another big issues on me is going to be announced. Lucky me.. This is me as a nurse, a dangerous nurse but helpful. Another reason I hate nursing because I'm too dangerous to be a nurse. So tire, working none stop in the ward.

Before I off duty, one uncle passed urine,PU, on his pants. At first I didn't notice. I just smell a very strong urine smell from him. I make another glance at him, I see wet pants as he asked me to lower down the cot-side for him and explained that he doesn't know how to use the urine bottle. The smell really gets to my nerves. I helped him clean up and tidy up his bed. One thing I really don't like a bout him is that he say, "I'm old, going to die soon." If like that why come and see doctor? Why don't he stay in his house rather than give us trouble. He does not want to live why want to seek treatment from doctor who want to lengthen his life? Almost time to go out. Yesterday I make a mistake so, today I want to fix it for aunty. Aunty can't finish her job..

2009-07-05T21:56:00.003+08:00

Last few days didn't have the changes to update because l lent my computer to someone I trust. Last few days also very busy with the working. Very tiring, but quite happy because like to do as a runner job rather then DL job. May be is the responsibility which I need to carry out is lesser. Feel much less stress. Hope can be the runner all the time then to be DL.

Today, I went to my girl friend house but very tire with the works I has been doing. Been yawning all the time in the house. Feel very... do like that at people house, but can't help it, really very tire. I slept at her room for half an hour. Feel a bit fresh but tire. When be a Staff Nurse, what it be? Today her mom cooked, long time didn't eat home make food. Feels really good. Evening time, both if us go walk to the park which is just behind her house. This is the first time I see there were lots of people at the park, old and young. Suddenly feel like it's a place where I belong. Besides, today the most interesting things is her dad told me things unexpected bout my studies. Very strange, but he told things which is true also even though CON might not be. I just has to do my best in the test coming soon. My give my best to pass the examination. Do not know why but feel like the test means a lot to me from now onwards. Bb...

2009-07-01T21:30:00.002+08:00

Today work, want to know how I feel. One can list out all the negative words. That's how I feel. I'm so dame angry, I just can't believe I'm doing this. Today, I see nothing in my life as nursing. The more I in nursing the more I view life as meaningless. I see nothing left. Even I quit now, I can't change anything. Because, thought rushing in. So call, I miss my boat to be alive. Someday, for real for what I scare of, will just be real. SHIT! Why all this thought just coming in? Why? Why can't I just be a normal like others? WHY WHY WHY!!!

SHIT!!!!

WHAT HAS THE JOB MAKE ME TO BECOME?!

010709

2009-07-01T07:33:00.002+08:00

Working.. Don't feel like working..

"Work as I work and go as I go." ^^ Good idea. But I will get complain for sometime if I do like this. Who care is mine anyway ;)

Last night do not know what's wrong, my leg start to feel itchy all over the leg. Now still. The right knee start to feel warm. Inflammation going on? Hate to scratch but sometimes really can't stand it. This few days, bug all over the place. Think I allergic to the bug.. This morning, there were thunderstorm and is the loud one. But it does not roar as loud as previous time which can shake my bed. Scary.. TT

Going to be 8am.. Need to open the so call, FK book? ;)

Time to study..

2009-06-30T07:33:00.002+08:00

Today is the last day for my holiday. Time to start study. Hate it but have to do it and love it.. I don't think I can love it. The time I go crazy, that's the time I will love it. Time passes so fast. Few more years nobody will know what will happen. I wonder, and I wonder.. If the sight I see is real or is just a fake one? Lets find out and the effect may be.. Think positive doesn't mean things will go positive. But has to, to make ourselves happy~ Lame..

Yesterday, I heard from my sister that she will going to be teaching chinese, PJK, and Sociology stuff. Very funny that my sister is going to teach all that. Especially PJK. She hardly join anything during her school days. Beside that, I quarrel with my mom for a while. I still can't accept what I going to be and I can't accept what I need to study. It's my future yet I see no hope from it in my life. I have work, money and wanted all over the world yet, I see hopeless of it. I see lots of good things will going to happen anything you name it everything.. yet, I feel hopeless with it.. Hope my mom won't repeat any of this things to me again. I think I will throw away the phone immediately. I just can't control my anger when talk about all this stuff. What's wrong here?... My cousin, AS is staying in my house together with her sister, HL. My house will never less then 6 people. ^^ My sister out for study, me also, yet the number of the people in the house will remain the same :)

Besides, I also find out that Eugene that he is the president of his group and also landscaping. Means he going to be very busy for the semester. Can he have the chance to help me out? Who knows. ^^ hope the best time is running out. 29.10.09 - 31.10.09 is my hospital examination and my OSCE is 03.11.09 - 04.11.09 I do not feel very good with it.

Time is running lo, can't write more. Want to study a bit, shit! Let it be what is going be or...

Love mom, dad and family including Bb..

Fantastic VL

2009-06-29T08:26:00.003+08:00

There are full of memory for this week VL. I has been together with Bb for the almost a week. Running high and low. Very tiring. Bb sure know how to run:) Whole day running none stop. But, Bb sure has been having fun on what Bb do. For me, of cos. Beside running here and here. I helped Bb clean up too. Really mess if you ask me. But, after clear up the place~ As cool as new. I will never forget the time we together and words said by Bb to me. Besides, I get to know a bit bout Bb back ground and Bb family never the less Bb friends. One of them get an something and need to be operated. But after that CY gets better. But the wound form what I heard didn't heal very good from inside. Didn't sound so good. Hope the best because, living is not on our hand to decide.

Never forget Eugene, most of the time I MSN with him. Chatting most of the time cos, me kinda busy with the trip. Feel great chat with him. We chat almost everything hot and cold. Some even feel licking all over ;O Talk bout game, we sure can win if we team up ^^ I remember the last game, its a good game. But cant finish it for not enough time to do so. I wonder hows is his training too ;) Has him fitted up?

As for today, its a new semester for both of them. As for me, I just have to wait and give all I can for the coming test. No matter what. For a reason and its the only reason. Feel scare because, I keep on wondering, "Am I doing the same mistake?" From yesterday, I can say I am not. Bb say it, and I believe it. So I have no choice and it is the only choice left for me that is to move on. Feel very happy and scare at the same time. I just has to try my best. Thats all I left.

2009-06-26T21:00:00.002+08:00

Happy day yesterday and the day before. Really very happy. Even there are few unwanted things happen but, having a great day is the most important thing. Nothing is more important than staying together happy. Scary part and not scary part is still scary to me when ever it is. But I must over come it no matter what. Bb, you really have make it.

2009-06-22T14:56:00.002+08:00

Finally, everything finish for this semester. But has to wait for another few month because, I myself also not sure what and why I need to stay 6 more month. Em.. I know why and is secret for now. But Bb, I know you know de why. Walking this road going to be hard for me. Nothing goes smooth to me but, Bb and Eugene hears. But Bb hears the most. Bb, my savior and my life. The end is all up to me also. Hard to decide. Want to stay but scare to stay... I'm just like the lost ant...

2009-06-21T21:38:00.002+08:00

Today is the last day for all my friends. Some get upset, some keep cool as for me, em... like always. Today I almost hit a patient. Show anger to him. I really explode, but lucky I manage to cool down a bit. Life here when think of it, really mess up my body function. Bb and Eugene really help me a lot. Bb always will be my Bb.

2009-06-20T15:34:00.004+08:00

There are lot of things to start learning from now. Need to fulfill the basic of the need. Try my best to do it and I think I can do it!

Working, what should I do with it? Try work on who I am. Risky but that the best I can think of. Work as in nursing doesn't suit me at all...

Last night able to sleep, YEAH~ Feel so happy. Hope to be able to sleep every night.

2009-06-19T18:49:00.003+08:00

Today, I really very tire. For two days I didn't have a good night sleep. Hope today can have a good sleep. If not, things might get out of hand. Worry too much until do not know what I am worry about. Hope I can stop worry in the first place and step forward.

Today is a day I actually know something important from Bb and I must remember it well. I must pay more attention on what is going on rather than move on just like that. Beside Bb find out things bout me. Lots of things bout me. Including me about Bb. I will try something new for myself in working. Doesn't work well but that the best of me I can do because that is me.

Bb please drive save.. Bb driving time really sometime very scary. Please, promise me.

2009-06-18T15:40:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I go out with a group of friends. I very happy going out with the group. Yesterday was the best day every with Bb friends. I will never forget the yesterday I with Bb. Bb friends very funny and very friendly. Feel great with them. Hope Bb can add on something for me for another day with Bb. Bb will alway stays around me when I need to and I needn't. Bb is the best. Bb thirsty lucky have water for Bb. Nic and Doctor, get overload with drinks ordered, including myself. Go to toilet twice really troublesome. It's going to be the best in my life. I must try cope with the changes and changes present and past.

Bb...

2009-06-16T08:47:00.003+08:00

It's like thousand years I feel down. Ever since I meet Bb, I feel much happier. But still sometimes will get unhappy for curtain things which can't get over with. Natural human respond.

Happiness which was formed can bring out a feeling of joy and none stop connection between a person to another. That what I feel for now. Every time when I down, I always sit and do things alone. When want to talk to others about it, people just...

"It's your problem, you deal with it yourself."

I really have a hard time. Some people want to listen but, they act like they do not want to listen. Or it just because they do not know what to listen. Eugene and Bb really listen and answer me. Even, they are different religion but we can get alone with each other very well. Why some people so particular about religion? May be yes, there are some crash between each religion but still it works fine to me. Which country has the highest suicide and crime? The answer will surprise you!

Friend are everywhere but not all can be your friend but they can be our friend in another way. Bb from bottom of my heart, very happy to know who is Bb. Not everyone will listen to what I want to say to them in a natural way. I just want to tell when I want to just like that. Bb really listen when ever I talk and whatever I said. No hard feeling with each.

Bb...

2009-06-14T19:59:00.002+08:00

Do not know why, suddenly I ask myself, why my father love so much bout nursing. He did mention, good job. Can find job anywhere and everywhere. Helping people, but to me, it's all shit! The only thing in my mind is killing people when I work as nursing. Every time I see people want to get out of the hospital. Hospital isn't a place for healing? Why everyone hate hospital? Why people some go crazy after treatment? Why some go die off just like that after treatment.

"Nursing is all about saving. Do the best" I hate people say this verses. My life as student nurses, I have almost kill someone and people around me say it is just a learning process. Some people say, learning take place. But some say, learning shouldn't take place in doing mistake. But how we learn? Books? Mistake? Experience? In another words still, I can kill a life. So what nursing all about? Learning from mistake and improve. I can't stand this. Injured others to gain something. It an ass! Why can't they just let me go? Why they just want to think of themselves what is the best for me yet they can't see the disgust of the outcome? One day they will know, but that time, it's going to be too late to reverse. Who care? Nobody listen to me!! How can they say they care for me if they do not know what is happening in me? Selfishness can be seen in every living thing. Human just want the best even means... Even after graduate from university, nowadays a lot of them turned ill (mental illness). Why? I ask anyone who read this WHY? What the use of them? Who the hack want them in ASIA? You want? Why? Who make them to be like this? We all!!!! WE ARE THE ONE WHO CREATE MENTAL ILLNESS PATIENT!!! Think of how this mental illness formed at first.

THE TRUTH, THE MOST ACKNOWLEDGE MAN IN THIS WORLD IS A MENTAL ILL MAN.

We believe in what he said and what he did. So what does this mean? Even now we still study his words and knowledge. So what the hack are we want to acknowledge ourselves? But yet, this world is been design to work this way. No question or answers can support every single question and answer. Every question asked and answers has their own weakness.

I wish to have my normal life back before it is too late to do so. The effect is acting on me fast then ever. I can feel it. My body is rotten little by little... Can anyone save me?

I still want to life to see my friends and family including Bb. The only thing I can do now is smile and laugh when ever I with them...

2009-06-12T08:41:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was a day, together with my friend. Get to ride over the bridge. Long ride back to my friend house. B, my friend want to go back to B house. So sad that B face problem. Minor problem become a big thing to another person. It just the college and nursing life is. Nothing view right. Everything view like right and wrong in all kind of way. Why should be like this? Do not have a clue, really do not know why. Feel like, living in the worst place ever. But, people will say, "This is not worst this is bad. There are place worst then this." No comment at all. Life is short but like is full of discovery and challenge. Sometimes, life is just repeating itself in a human to another. Who know? Only the wise and experienced mankind will know. As for me, still life is a place full of hope and hopeless place to leave. We can do anything and we can get everything. EARTH...

Buy new glasses~ Dame expensive... for the first time really expensive! But at less it serve it prepose. I can see thing clear, I mean very clear like diamond surround me! What a sight. Like this glasses for the first time. Well, the glasses make my life more meaningful YEAH~

2009-06-08T19:39:00.002+08:00

Just now at the Mental Health Unit, I as patient, practice section straggle till sweat! Not easy as patient and as nurses in that unit. Hope I can learn what I want to learn from there and see what I would like to see there. Everyday counts.

2009-06-07T21:40:00.002+08:00

Today was really a hot day. Every time sweat even after bath. The heat makes me feel tire...

Still can't decide what to do. Since this is so interesting why don't I try? Better ask my parents first. Let the game begin!

2009-06-07T16:38:00.005+08:00

Yesterday feel very happy. Meet new friends let me say 3 new friends. Beside that meet new place. The most important thing is the bowling central is really great! Well care for and really feel great when bowl. But one thing only, really very expensive if really need to compare. Still, I will go there to play because, it a place for bowling. Just do not know what word to use. Fantastic!

I am very happy for the day for my friend, he meet someone who might or not meet again but, do not know why I think they can be very close with each other. May be I just think too much. But happy for my friend. It just like a step forward for him. Great. And he really fast learner in bowling. He really is a great guy. He really helped me a lot in just a month. Going to miss him if a walk off like this.

Should I walk off and paid or should I try what I had been trying to do for the last time? But I can't buy the time I will lost back. But, think of it I have him and her beside. Should be fine... So should I or shouldn't I walk off?

2009-06-06T08:45:00.002+08:00

Today is the day I'm waiting for. Yes! Hope everything goes smooth. Yeah~ It going to be stress a bit but I think its going to be fine. My body and soul is weaken. Anything can attack me anytime any where. Ish... Let the whole world rock!

2009-06-05T22:12:00.002+08:00

Ass computer have slight problem. Just have the party done. Great but not so. Yes tomorrow is the day I waiting for. So tire, everything is started like it has to. Shit! Let see what is next. Walking on what I do not want to. Die lo..

2009-06-04T08:39:00.002+08:00

Feel very angry yesterday evening. The week start from the 22 of june suppose to be my vocation leave, but now it has to start from 24 of june. They has make us work for straight 7 days now have to go up to 8 days. Monday to the next monday and they has promise that week suppose to be our vocation week. Just do not know who are we to her? Just has to do what ever comes out from her and she think is the best without thinking what the best as a student life. She has been control my privacy since I first step into this college. Not only I say so, most of us who in the college say so. Think positively, yes she really like want us the best but, as for you? What do you all think? Your life been taken over by others?

But, this isn't the reason I want to leave this job. The reason, I have told someone I once love and love. It's something can't be believable but it's true.

2009-06-02T22:47:00.002+08:00

Back again. Sorry bout yesterday. Really angry with my roommate. But now, thanks to my friends. Now feel much better than previous. Bowling, can't make it today. One Stop close, Penang Bowling can't find. Feel say bout it but, still thank you Eugene, things go smooth from your help. Not bore trough out the day. Hope life can be enlighten.

Tomorrow, going to die lo.. I did something bad today.

2009-06-01T20:53:00.002+08:00

First of June! Selamat Hari Gawai!! To all the Iban people. Today is their big day. Which my friend happy Hari Gawai.

Today, have a bad day. But I have bought something for my father and myself. A pair of shoes and a set of chess. Chess, have to wait for people to play..

No mood to write. Hate life here.

2009-05-31T09:44:00.002+08:00

Today morning I fetch my friend to the ferry. Really very early trip. Have a long ride to the place. Driving in the early morning here feel great. Not much worry, less car to watch out for.

Waiting for the time to be washed to another me from the mistake. Can I be crushed or can my friend save me form it? I have to work hard too.

It's really true, human can't live alone because, human is weak in all types of angle. Why I want to walk till this step? It has to be done. Hope my friend can help me. I do not want to be the lost soul anymore.

2009-05-30T20:34:00.002+08:00

Shinee had release their second album! Romeo - The Second Mini Album. It as great as the previous. New looks, New experience in their songs. Yeah~

This few day working the only thing in my mind is, what is the time now. Time for tea?, lunch?, dinner? and is it time to go back? Three more weeks, almost time to make the move. Think bout move, I have pass my exam. Just my guess because, tutor does not find us all to be review. How much I get, not sure myself.

Few move days to go with my friends. Generally, I really miss them all. The time we have been together from the beginning till the last day. So much memory bring in. Three years, I really have a great time with my friends for the first time. Friends, GO! and reach what you wish to reach and search for what you have been searching. I'm so proud to be one of your friend.

2009-05-29T22:36:00.002+08:00

Today working in CCU really, do not really feel like working at all. Drop the topic.

Today, I went out for a walk with my friend at the youth. Happy but at a time feel confused. Do not have a clue. May be still can't make up my mine. Another time I walk with someone is another friend. Both friend are both friend. Thank you friend and friend.

For Eu gene

2009-05-29T12:27:00.002+08:00

Hi Eu gene how are you? The last time I see you in the canteen you so down. What wrong? Anything I can do or have I did something bad to you making you sad? Em, if you free, how bout come out for a tea or have fun together. Want to thank you a lot. You really show me and teach me a lot. Thank you friend. Anything you want to ask help from me I will be there. I try my best. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

2009-05-28T08:45:00.003+08:00

Today I feel very embarrassed for what I wrote to a friend. Half sleep half awake. Must stay alert on what I am reading writing. Hope it didn't go out of hand. There is something I can't define. What is love? and what is like? Dame I really do not like this at all.

Now I know what is the different KY talking about. The different, why it happen? One thing, feel like didn't care. Care but at the same time do not know. Care or not care. Talk what happen during the day and what been thinking. That is the hardest thing to do. I do not one others to worry because, my life is to make others happy except me. That's make me happy for what I live for. Everyone will say I am crazy for live others to be happy except self. "Can we actually live alone in this world happily?" In a day we will talk, play, everything we do with another human. Why should I be happy if others aren't?

"Live to see others happy except myself?" I know there is something not right with it but do not know why. Just has to wait for someone who can really break the chain and let me see what is happiness really means. Everyone can easily describe what is happy but what is happy? Smile? Laugh? Good job? or A family? Live alone?

Can it be sharing the moment the day with the people who care about us?

Care, two type of care. Care about us and care bout themselves make them care for us. Each care carry out different outcome. Which one I am? Only people around me can tell.

What a mix from this one I wrote.

2009-05-27T15:09:00.003+08:00

Today in CCU, is the worst day of my life. Staff nurse ask me to take simple things can't even get the thing for her. I can even give a hand to her. Shit! Tomorrow must try my best to help others then giving problem to others. Just left few more moment. Must try the best.

Talking bout moment, it is really limited. Feel happy and sad at the same time. Time really suck me out. Every moment I have here will alway be keep in me. EVIL or ANGLE I will keep. Skip the topic.

The further can't be predict with all the thing I have now, weakness and strength. How will I face them all? Just have to find out myself.

2009-05-26T17:03:00.003+08:00

Today workload is like shit! Everyone say CCU, there nothing to do. Only do observation and nursing care but yet, today the first day I get a heart attack. Doing admission not one but two at the same time. Feels like nobody around to help and support. Doing things alone and do what should do by my own. What to write what not to write. This is not the worst part, the sound in the ward is the worst part, ding ding dong dong.. Making me going crazy. I mean it, crazy. Yet surprised that there are staff who can stand it. Anyway, just have to wait and adjust myself for a while. Have to keep the ball rolling no matter what happen.

2009-05-25T22:12:00.003+08:00

1930 hours, have a fantastic party from our junior. Have a really great time together with them. Beside that there we receive a lot of present from them. All very nice and cool things to me. Really very happy today. But still there is something I miss. Still can't let the feeling fade away. It is like out of the blue then back to the blue. Really need time may be years not sure also. Hope for the hope. ><

2009-05-25T16:39:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I went out with my friend. Go to BM for a walk. First time went there. To me, it was a huge place and kind of scary place but still I have a wonderful time together. Beside, I found the animation I want for a long time. Feels good and happy. Thanks you very much. ^^ Got time hope to have another trip.

As for today, feel very tire and weak. Do not know why but like having fever or what ever. No mood at all for the day. Eat also no mood. Live needs to go on. ^^

2009-05-24T13:36:00.002+08:00

An hour ago mom call. Like usual what she talk and how she talk. Thank you mom anyway. Here I learn bad and good things which can't be control because bad has it's own. But, still get the same result and who knows? Only GOD know and myself. This is life as a nurse. So I want to quit. I mention, nurses are really fake. They can be your angle and devil. Nothing goes wrong, nurses are angle but somethings not right then nurses are devil. Human nature. Ask me to life in this kind of life forever. Its better to left my body buried into thousand feet below the earth. No one can replace the GOD's hand. We are just hands of GOD not GOD. But why I been planed to meet all this? Why? I think the answer will review soon. Hope the best from now.

2009-05-24T07:40:00.006+08:00

Wonder why everybody can reply me except her, my first love. Why every time I sms with her she will never reply. Last time I ask her she said she does not want to talk to me if she think it means nothing. So why when I sms to her bout her family condition she didn't reply? Is it means nothing to her or she think I can join in? Beside that she always ask me to call her. Yet when I call her, she will ask one question, " What do you want to know?" How should I know? I do not like to make a phone call even to my family and I decided to call her yet she say this kind of thing. What she want? The next thing I do is no contact with her and she get angry. I sms she dun want to reply, call her make me very stress have to think what should I say what shouldn't I say. Conclusion have nothing to say. Then she said there is a problem, long time didn't call her nor sms with her. Dame! I dame angry yet, I can't scold her or voice out because I do not want to.

But one thing I know, she want is that she want me to voice out the problem. But as for me the problem is just the conversation itself. I so lame. I dame lame.

I love a person not to find bad from her but to love her the whole and her nature. It good to talk about I dislike and like about her and she dislike and like about me. But not waiting for each other to talk about it. Why you want to wait if we love each other in the first place? Everyone is trying their best they can do.

Feel so confused I as human using the brain of human and the feeling of human. What am I?

2009-05-22T19:14:00.003+08:00

What am i thinking? I am just a ass. There nothing left but an ash. I must not look back but to move on. If not I will miss my boat and drowned deep into the deep blue sea. Feel really unlucky. Set line, miss and make mistake. Make internal bleed. What wrong with me today? It all messed up like living in the hell. I am the worst among the worst! Must not make any mistake till the time comes. Must be patient. MUST!

Bike, my precious and give out a lot of meaning just to look at it. Yet sometimes it cause me a lot. Today, I fix it. But cause me RM 50.00 DAMP EXPENSIVE! But what to do, preparation need to be done. But I really love it. It recalls me the things happen since I have it. What should I do? Money is a problem. Time included. Do not really want to separate with it. Really mean a lot to me...

2009-05-22T15:33:00.004+08:00

This morning, I was late but, I saw her walking out. I was looking at her. She was laughing, talking and I passed her like nothing at all. Why? Boys are always like a boy. I really care for her. Yet.. I also receive a present for someone. I just open it. There are lots of why inside my head but, I think the answer is written on the paper in chinese. Who should I look for? Friend or family who know chinese? Something isn't complete. What should I do next?

2009-05-21T21:56:00.003+08:00

Just after work. Really confusing when working in dressing room then change to another but today, Johari enlighten us something about working in the department. Its true on what he had said working and reading is different. I really agree on what he had said. It's really fun when working with thinking and analyzing but, to me on patient not so good to try new thing to increase the capacity in handling things. Life in hospital is not joking. I have experience bad experiences and I do not want to have another. Yet, its true I will have another. Why? All living make mistake under their consciousness. Unpredictable things happen in this world so does the human itself. Wish for the before it ends.

2009-05-21T09:31:00.003+08:00

Accident and Emergency (A+E), is what the place where acting and thought flow in naturally in them to save a patient life. Can we think for minutes before we act? No! Not in A+E at all. But for second still can acceptable. Yesterday, one of the staff nurse as what we as staff nurse do when a patient fits in front of us in A+E? Guess what, 6 head with half an hour, all of us cant even manage the case successful. Note are just note, when deal with life, its more than just a notes. Knowledge just a guide but there are more. More then that. Even thought I know since I first time started as student days. Yet until now I still can't get it trough what is it all about from the beginning to the end of the thing as Nurses do. Because this trouble me, "We live for ourselves not for others." Then why? Why we do all this things? Life saving? Nursing is really complicated job as a living. Nothing is right and nothing is wrong. Every time think of it, make myself more confuse bout life and living. Human thought has two direction. Complicated..