Man, I its really hard for me since fews days back. Can't control the emotion well. When is it I can left this place so call, the earth? Why can't I see the beauty of the world like others? What is it I seeing thing so dull? Why has the world so mean to me? Why do I have to stay alive? Nothing seems to fit it. Recall, God tell us that He want to share His life with us and be with Him.. Really very complicated for me. Questioning isn't a good choice to do but yet I do it. I am still a human being.
I shouldn't have come here. I getting myself worst than before. Much much worst, from inside to outside. What should I do?
Why should I know all this things? All the things I see here? Why is it has to be in my life?
One answer for it, the world is just build like that.

Dame, my head hurts a lot more than usual. Man the hit from few years back really trouble me. What a bad experience and what a life I have. Is it all my faith? I sold my soul out better than living in this world. Pain, anger.. living in this stage will bring out nothing out of me. Everyone say die is not the solution, and the truth is they can't accept death. Besides, a man can't be death when it is not their time to die yet. When the time come, no matter what we do, death comes from it's own. How can a man run away from death? I wish my death is near.
When I was a kid at the age of 10+ I want to live long to see the world. I want to build a body of mine which will never die. One day I realise, I am such a full to think of it. death is beautiful. A man will truly be a human being is the day they die. Why do human scare to die? If they not fulfilling the work fair enough but, time come God has plan. So no worry. Time to come out and time to give in.

Why do people like to look at a person with a kind of look. I see lots of people doing it. Maybe I too sensitive to it. The look, make me want to kill them all. How can a human look at  a person like they are wothless. One person advice me to, show what you have to them. To me, why should I show to them? They are not worth for me to show what I have to them. They are just nothing but a flesh of a human body. I hate those who make themselve as the top of a person like they are slave with their words and looks. A dog will also bit his master when the master didn't treat them well.

I really hate to see all this thing. Nurses are just a junk to me. Saving, helping, what the hack I am doing? Protection? I can't see what the worth of all the things I had seen. But, I think when someone see this I sure lots of people will say something bout it. Cos, life is precious. Nothing is more precious than life itself. It is the truth, but at the same time it is not. Depend how we see it and what we see and what we have been trough. Everyone has their own way of living, and enviroment plays a big role of it to the way of we live.

REALLY WISH I CAN GET OUT OF HERE FAST!!